Maverick Pays Rent-a-Crowd for Support Demonstrations

I’m beginning to think that Julie-ass Maverick Malema enjoys being in the media spotlight; so much so that he might have to start applying sunscreen to his slaphead so that it doesn’t peel. He even made the front page of the BBC News Website’s Africa section today. This is quite an achievement in my mind considering that the guy is only 30! He does however look much older, but this could simply be down to a bad choice in face cream and lack of R & R.

If Julie-ass spent as much time on his looks as he did spouting his highly opinionated twaddle, he might shave years off his perceived age. I’m currently filling out an online entry form on his behalf to appear on the TV show ’10 years younger’ when it airs in South Africa, however this should not be seen as a favour in any regard. I just want him to look his best in front of all the judges that he’ll be facing. His wardrobe and makeup artist should also outfit him with a nice weave and reputable matt foundation as his shiny features reflect terribly in all his interviews and head shots. Continue reading

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Master Oogway and the Man Who Carries a Fork

“When you vote for the ANC, you are also choosing to go to heaven. When you don’t vote for the ANC you should know that you are choosing that man who carries a fork… who cooks people”.

President Jacob Zuma

No one can argue that the current South African president and leader of the leftwing African National Congress Party (ANC) hasn’t got a sense of humour after reading the above statement (made during the run-up to the 2011 municipal elections). Personally I think that it’s important for any progressive president to have a developed comic stance on life and love (more on the love later) in order to make it through a normal working week; especially when you have such a serious day job! Take George Bush for instance – an astute man, focussed on making the world a better place. He had a host of ‘Bushisms’ which he could throw into a speech at a moment’s notice to keep his audiences entertained whilst going about the serious business of running America. Who else could inject humour into otherwise sobering and serious statements such as the one which he made at the signing of a multi-billion dollar defence spending bill?

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

America wouldn’t be the superpower it is today without his outstanding efforts whilst in office (ahem). It is pretty obvious that Zuma ‘wants in’ when it comes to filling the political comedienne and model presidential role left by America’s former leader. Continue reading