Apple for Teacher

The same close friend, who debuted in my ‘Wicked Witch of the West’ article, has now clocked up an entire month at her new work establishment. Congratulations!! (you know who you are). She is now no longer considered a ‘newbie’ after having been processed by the Witch. I joke that she gets less stick due to the fact that the month-long brainwashing procedure has turned her into a Prof X Mini-Me (aka Witch’s Pretty), a statement which was swiftly followed by a Medusa-like death stare.

Tendrils under an electron microscope

Apparently, if you want to fit in at the institution you have to be good at ass-crawling – something which I’m not a great fan of, especially considering Prof X is well into her 60s and her ‘wipe-clean’ technique might not be completely effective. Yuk! That thought was little on the gross side, so I’m slapping a PG-13 rating on it just to be safe. There are hordes of such people in life and you shouldn’t have to clutch at anal tendrils in order to get ahead.

Probably the biggest crawler in the workplace is a co-worker by the name of Shizzle My Grizzle. I can’t even go as far as to disclose the worker’s surname (or nickname) as her identity would become too obvious and land my life in dire straits. Shizzle has been practicing crawling for the best part of 30 years – she is a pro in this respect….she be creeping you. Prof X frequently finds an apple on her desk in the mornings, handpicked from Shizzle’s orchard or the Prime Produce’ isle at Fruit and Veg City. Although she agrees with everything that comes out of the Prof’s mouth, including drool, the Prof has grown tired of Shizzle’s wily ways and will usually dismiss her like a piece of dandruff off her shoulder-padded blouse.

Shizzle likes to exert her authority over the rest of the Pretties when Prof X is not in town, i.e. when the Prof has disappeared for a mid-afternoon nap or a well deserved perd. Shizzle knows best…although not always it seems. She will cover up mistakes and deny all accountability in situations where a co-worker is available to take the fall, thus protecting her metaphorical halo and preventing the brown sticky stuff from sticking to her spineless person.

Good news is on the way though. The Mini-Me’s are launching a comeback attack on the Shizzle and nowadays her halo is looking slightly skewed and her clothes soiled. I’m not one to judge, but some say nothing is as good as the taste of your own medicine and the smell of sweet revenge.